Chapter 2 - A routine day...

Yes, finally I figured out it was a Monday. How else could I have imagined of sleeping for 2 days full... and then spent the nights dreaming...? Like what the backstreet Boys once sang, 'Loneliness has always been a friend of mine...'. It's not that I didn't have friends, but I usually preferred to spend time for myself, with myself. I rarely did like to go out and be one amongst others. Probably it was because I was confused and wanted to shy away from confident people. Or may be because I was a little too careful in choosing my circle of friends.

I dressed up quickly, wore my lappy around my shoulders and started for the college. Well, my short distance walking to college was not as un-interesting as other things in my life. Half a kilometer down the lane I had some friends waiting on the first floor balcony of a building. Seeing them on the way to and from college was a usual thing. They would raise their right hands to say a Hi and Bye and it would start and end there. I have no clues when this started. I probably started noticing this a little late in life. But more than anything else, it was a good feeling to know that there was somebody to wave hands at me. Knowingly or un-knowingly I enjoyed it!

It did happen that day as well. I smiled at them and proceeded to the college. The sun flames were no less hot that day. The first halt before I reached college would be Parvathy Tea Stall. The day starts with a half glass Rs.2 worth tea from Mahi. Mahi has been running this shop beside the college along with his uncle for past 3 or 4 years. We used to share the latest news around place casually. I sometimes even accompanied Mahi and team at the cash counter collecting money from customers. It was one fun thing to do. The gain there was observing different people... small lower class family men used to find it an outing on weekends coming to the tea shop and having tea and small time snacks with their family members. And they would proceed to the beach shore nearby and probably return late in the evening. Before leaving the tea shop, they would ensure that their family members had food to their content. I thought that was more satisfying than going to big hotels and nibbling at expensive items and then worry about having to pay for all of it.

Parvathy tea stall was not the only one around, it was one amongst the many others there. But customers of these shops are usually loyal and regular. They do not prefer going to other tea stalls, even if they were better. That was probably because regular customers to such small tea shops tend to build an un-official community amongst themselves, who then would talk anything from Jayalalitha's reign to weather and pollution to temple rituals and festivities to anything in the world. These 'Group Discussions' had more real life subjects in them relevant to common man. A GD in Business Management schools about inflation and growth of Tatas and Birlas had hardly anything to contribute to common man's life, I thought!

I saluted Mahi as if to say 'see ya soon', crossed the road and entered the college. The security personnel said a 'Good Morning' to me, ensure I replied back and then proceeded with his newspaper. I guess he was reading about the IND-PAK cricket match that happened the previous day which India won. I could sense that from the images he was looking at. After all, would any Indian go through the sports section in a newspaper had India lost the match?

I gazed through The Hindu, TOI, ET and a few others and then climbed the stairs to get to my class in the first floor. I opened the door and switched on the lights. I stood there for a few seconds as if to prepare for entering the class. And I finally did. I rushed to the seat beside the Air Conditioner and switched it on. I could feel the sweat on my forehead slowly disappearing. I cooled down a bit after a hot morning walk and then switched on my lappy and put on some malayalam songs.

Dad had bought me the lappy from Dubai and I was a proud owner of one of the best ones available with the folks in my class. I used to happily put on the songs loudly as a sign of arrogance. Quite a few in our class were Mallus (Mallu is the short term for Malayalees) and they used to appreciate the songs. But I had to depend on headsets once the others barged in to the class with an expression on the face 'Aaargh.... not again!'.

Except for a few Good Mornings with a select few, I used to stare at the monitor of my lappy for no reason. At 9:05 AM, I would switch it off and then silently return to my seat. The one beside the AC was always my best choice. I used to adjust the flaps to my advantage and hardly anyone took notice of it. This seat was left most in the 3rd row from the front. This location used to be ideal as I could view the entire class with a small twist of my head.

Professors came and taught what Mahindra's Scorpio meant to India, how industrialization had an impact on Indian economy, what a balance sheet is and few other things which had always found it's way my back, way over my head. I had a choice - I could either take everything that they gave and fill up the space soon or take only what I could and leave the rest for others to take. Again, my brains asked me to choose option No.1 but I always took the words of my friend - Heart - and chose Option 2. If I were my brain, I would have left this humiliating body long back!

The best of the lot was our Marketing Professor, Mr.Sreenivasan. He had something in him that would make ears of each and everyone in the class sharp. This IIT (Engg), MBA guy was one too many. He was about 70 but his concepts and knowledge were always updated. A complete no-nonsense guy who hated guys who talked rubbish. For some reason he wasn't a big favorite of our college director but was just the best choice of all in the class. He hardly 'tought' anything, it was more of information sharing from his personal experience. And I thought these practical knowledge was more important than theory in the books.

The class was a mix of students from all over India - there were book worms, the rich and business minded folks, funny Shah Rukh Khan depicts, Body builders, the know-all and show-off types... But most of us had one thing in common - we were unsure of what to become and what path to take! As the day progressed, I could see more and more laptop monitors opening up. Guys (as in guys and gals) at the back would connect to each other's systems using RJ 45 and play games on network while the professors would appreciate them for using technology to take down notes promptly. Those naughty smiles on the faces of the back-benchers meant hardly anything to the professors. It's not that I didn't want to play too - it's just that I wasn't quite there in that company (or in any company for that matter) and it was difficult for an outsider to make in-roads. I should have done the work when the classes started in April, 2004. Now its Dec, 2004, the 'companies' have been built and there was very little I could do to get into one of those.

At 1 PM sharp, I would again run to Parvathy tea stall. Mahi used to give me a share of the rice and curry they prepared for the tea stall staffs and himself. I would buy probably a Vada or two from the shop as add-on to the rice. Of course I didn't have to pay for the rice and curry. (By now you would have guessed that I belonged to the group of stringent misers).

I came back and then had a small chat with Arun CG. There was still some time to go before the 2nd half started. Me and Arun came to join the classes here at the same time. He was more of that Bcom finance expert who would easily solve any problem that the finance professor would give. While I could still not make any sense of Profit, Loss and balance sheet, I used to wonder whether he used to have a mix of all this for Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner! We used to share the same room in the initial months but as the numbers grew, I had to drop out by choice and find a place for myself. His was my first friendship in the college and I found it relatively easy to approach him anytime for anything.

All through the day, I really found it difficult to interact with confidence with others. My comfort level was very limited and I was never ready to cross it and go beyond. This was probably one reason why I found these days very un-interesting, specially those weekends. To enjoy Chennai you had to have a flat and a car, a Girl Friend to the least. For people like me who had neither, Chennai was pure waste of time.

‘Dude, you are in Chennai for completing your PG, not to enjoy’
‘I know, you don’t have to tell me!’
‘I have to… It’s my duty to remind you!’
‘To hell with you…’ – I hate my brain! I have been having this fight from last 24 years and I am tired!

On the way back, I didn’t fail to smile back at the 3 waving hands from the 1st floor balcony. They were looking cute in their school uniform. I guess the elder one was studying in 12th grade, 2nd one probably in 10th and the third probably in 5th grade or so.

I reached home, changed dress and sat down on the mattress wondering what next, knowing clearly there was nothing else to do. All I could think of was rush back to the tea stall and have a little chit-chat there. But on this day I didn’t feel like doing it. I was probably tired to walk all the way down. Or probably I didn’t want to repeat the same things on the same day. I didn’t go. Instead I lied down for a while and then went to parcel a dosa for dinner and returned to eat it and go to sleep. Just before I slept, I did try to recollect anything that the professors lectured in the class. I failed miserably! I knew I wasn’t spending the days the right way. But then what IS the right way? I always was unsure about what is right and what is wrong to do. On one hand was my parents spending a good part of their savings on my studies and here I was staring at life and trying to figure out whether I have chosen the right path in life. I had no clues of what was awaiting me. But if you ask me whether I had tried to know... well, it would be a big NO. My brain used to make me feel guilty. This guy always points out the problems and had never a solution for them. And this is what I disliked most about my brain!

I slowly fell asleep thinking these and trying to guess what dreams could haunt me that night.